Here and there

I hate what I  do to myself sometimes. I develop this unhealthy crush on a man that I cannot have, and then I turn down all the good guys that I actually could possibly be happy with ... I know I have a lot of issues, you dont have to tell me!
Now with that being said, I miss him. Why? I have no idea, he's such an asshole and he is not even my type.
Ok who am I kidding he is my type, he is exactly my time, but that doesn't change the fact that we will never be together, that this thing I imagined in my head will NEVER happened. I miss home. I haven't been home in so long, I don't even remember how it looks like. It's so sad that I still feel stuck in this limbo between here and there. One thing for sure, there - I wouldn't have men issues like this one, over and over again just like here.

I can't help it tho he makes me smile, he makes me nervous, and I get lost when he touches me .... God give me strength to grow out of this infatuation.