Year later ...

Year later I still love him very much, and with every day I love him more and more. We went thru so much, and he's still around. 

Since it's been a year I was thinking about one of my favorite memories we made together. And...I can't help but go back to this one day at work where I was still pretty new and he yelled at me so bad, I already had a bad day but him yelling just topped everything, I remember standing there with a stone face while tears kept running down my face. He closed the door, grabbed my face with both hands and told me he didn't mean to make me cry, but he's just doing his job than he hugged me. I remember forgetting why I started crying in the first place and just stand there a little shocked. 

That day I realized how I feel ....

July Madness

Its July 3rd 2013, Ive been in this job for almost a year. Ive been with him for almost a year. God, I love him more than anything in my life. My heart beats everyday because of...well him! Its amazing, unbelievable and so god damn scary. I cannot explain my love for him. I have never...ever felt this way.

Now, he feels a little different. Its been a very weird roller coaster but at the end of the day he treats me good. I can take anything as long as he hugs me. Oh the power of his hug...

So about work, I hate it but Im good at it. I was contacted by an assistant mgr from a really big store and i have an interview on the 15th so lets pray!!!

Everybody loves somebody ... sometimes

"Everybody loves somebody sometimes, everybody falls in love ... somehow.
Something in your kiss tell me .. my sometimes .. is now."

Oh whats gonna happen next? I'm already so scared. I hate this feeling of uncertainty .. I want to know, I want to be sure :( I know its real on my part but how real is he? I'm so tired of failing, please God make him the one. Make him my everything, let me be happy. I cant believe that I am falling so hard for him!!!


God, please make it happen, please!
Sincerely,
Me

Here and there

I hate what I  do to myself sometimes. I develop this unhealthy crush on a man that I cannot have, and then I turn down all the good guys that I actually could possibly be happy with ... I know I have a lot of issues, you dont have to tell me!
Now with that being said, I miss him. Why? I have no idea, he's such an asshole and he is not even my type.
Ok who am I kidding he is my type, he is exactly my time, but that doesn't change the fact that we will never be together, that this thing I imagined in my head will NEVER happened. I miss home. I haven't been home in so long, I don't even remember how it looks like. It's so sad that I still feel stuck in this limbo between here and there. One thing for sure, there - I wouldn't have men issues like this one, over and over again just like here.

I can't help it tho he makes me smile, he makes me nervous, and I get lost when he touches me .... God give me strength to grow out of this infatuation.

Changes ...

Things change, I change almost all the time.
If you ask me if I imagine my life this way 5 years ago ... I would have to say hell no. I became one of those people were work is everything, my life revolve around it and all I do is sometimes take a break just to realize how much I hate it.
I love Mexico, I love/loved Alejandro since then I look at every men in a different way, my joy to explore people is gone. I don't want a relationship just to have it...I want that love and companionship, trust, spark ...that stupid unconditional, irresponsible love! But I fear since I had it twice in my lifetime that's pretty much it .. well is it?? Will I ever fall in love again?!
I always believed in one true love, so it looks like I was more than lucky to love twice, truly love - I think that's what it was? I mean every time I think about them both .. my heart (still) skips a beat.
I think I'm a little lost with who I am, I thought I knew myself really well but the last few months showed me that even I cannot predict myself haha if that makes any sense :)

How many times ...

How long ... how long will it take to get over that love?

What is it gonna take to get over you?

FUCK! Three fucking years! THREE FUCKING years! I spent it miserable.

You said : What LOVE? I don't even know, I don't know what love? I don't know why I can't let go and be happy ... It got me even in a different country, there is no way to escape ...

I really don't know what to do!

This pain in my chest, its getting worst. I can't breath, I can't breath...I CAN'T BREATH!

I'm in Mexico I'm happy, let me be, let me forget.

I think...

I think I'm in love, I think its real and I think I want to be with him forever ...